CRETINS OF DISTORTION FANZINE ISSUE 10
“There's no attraction like a fatal crash” Dave E would scream with an attempt of a melody, and with an attempt at a culture young extremist would agree. But what do we have to show for from these energetic mishaps at expression that have become oh so abundant among the young lifers of Middle America? Destructive behaviors, squalor, misanthropy, and a fanzine. That fanzine is Cretins of Distortion 10. An issue that takes a look back on the pyrrhic victories that consumed and inspired the last five years of its output. Inside the giant sheets of photocopied paper attempting magazine status you will find;
LISTEN TO FLEXI ---> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_CcFKjxkv2Y
An interview with the incredible artist and musician Olivia Gibb of Warm Bodies, BB Eye, and Miss Lady in which she discusses her love for ceramics and stamps; explaining the similarities she finds in those and her music.
OVER 150 reviews of the best and worst of all the bands to have existed in the Midwest in the last 5 years. As a re-review is done of every release to have been written under the purpose of Cretins of Distortion.
A flexible compilation record titled “Miracle Dumbells” featuring 3 Songs. “Imma Cretin of Distortion Baby” a song which was taken from a fan mail tape sent in by a member of such Midwest superpowers as Ooze, Big Zit, CCTV, and The Coneheads. ------The next song “Ratas en las Paredes” by Comedy Central’s favorite punk band Loompi y los Dumpuhz (which translates to “Lumpy and the Dumpers”). A raw punk blast which we have come to expect form Lumpy and his Dumpers. ------Lastly the flexi ends on a wonderful song appearing courtesy of The Sunbelt Chemical Corporation, “He’s Got a Pencil (but I’m Gonna Write With It)” performed by The Minneapolis Uranium Club Band. This is a cover of Pencil, whom you may remember was mistakenly put on the labels of The Minneapolis Uranium Club Band’s first LP “Human Exploration” (Which received a whopping 8.9 rating from Pitchfork.com and routinely sells for over ¥3,300 in resale markets) Much irony could be found in this mistake by the Czechoslovakian pressing plant due to the fact that The Minneapolis Uranium Club Bands are very big fans of pencils as a writing utensil. The record is clipped with very rare soundbites of Iggy Pop and Dave E. interviews.
Underground music is covered on many platforms that are more legitimate, better written, and higher budgeted – but none are more sincere and destructive than Cretins of Distortion.